How To Let Go Of A Toxic Friendship?
“Don’t be afraid of enemies who attack you. Be afraid of the friends who flatter you.”
― Dale Carnegie
Friendship is very important for everyone’s life. My friends played a great role in my earlier life. So I was very optimistic till I went for my graduation. I never knew that my biggest nightmare was waiting there. I was hurt beyond limits and judged for my every action. I was trapped in a toxic friendship where I felt emotionally used. After struggling for five years, one-day I decided to let them go from my life. Indeed, it was one of the best decisions of my life.
In my circumstances, I wasn’t aware of such people. It was completely new for me and I was helpless. Breaking up isn’t a happy feeling especially with dear ones. But for our own mental stability, it is very much important to cut off from toxic people. They will cause you emotional damage with time.
How I find out if I am in a toxic friendship?
After a few months, I started to feel lonely inside and their vibes weren’t matching with me. I was facing bullying, body shaming, backstabbing and ill treatment by them. They didn’t value my opinion and started planning behind my back.
In a social gathering, they made nasty jokes about me which were inappropriate and embarrassing. Even when I tried to protest against their ill treatment, they behaved like I was overreacting and it was normal to make fun of someone in front of others you called friend.
Moreover, toxic people are those who do not value your emotions, disrespect you in the back, abusive, control freak, disloyal and play victim card after hurting you.
How to get rid of a toxic friendship ?
Sometimes we human beings trust people easily and give them access to our life. Toxic people take the chance and make us puppet of their hand. They will make you feel insecure about yourselves and inferior. They want you to act like them and follow their instructions. They don’t like disobedience, it hurts their narcissistic ego.
Getting rid of a toxic friendship isn’t easy. In my case, I tried a lot but ended up with them. So, I followed some steps to get rid of them. There are:
To see the reality
When we are in any kind of relationship, we have a great attachment towards each other. It’s not easy to get rid of them. But we have to see the reality. You cannot be happy to stay in a toxic friendship where you are not happy. It will cause a great damage in your mental health like depression, overthinking and anxiety. Ask yourself, “Do I want to stay in this friendship?” or “Should I stay there by ignoring everything?”
If not, then choose yourselves over them. It’s okay to be selfish when it comes to our happiness and peace.
Set the boundaries
You have to set boundaries. In my case, I gave too much reliability and that’s why they took me for granted. Take a stand for yourself, let them know that you aren’t liking their attitudes and they cannot cross your boundaries. You are no more allowing disrespect and ill-treatments. Cut off communications and stay formal. Don’t let them enter your personal space anymore. Say no when things aren’t working out for you. As I said, ”Don’t get personal with me.” “I won’t change myself for anyone and I am not obliged to fulfil your every demand. If you think I am not good enough, I cannot help it”
Find a suitable way to end the friendship
Only you know how you can end your friendship with your friends. I think this is absolutely fine to part ways without hurting each other. You have to find a suitable way for yourself. For me, I stopped responding to their bad jokes and nonsense. I engaged myself in different activities and used it as an excuse for not meeting them. Gradually, they understood that my priorities changed and were not interested in entertaining them anymore. When they tried to poke me in this matter, I ended my ties with them.
Only people who are in toxic friendships know how dangerous it is for our mind. You shouldn’t feel guilty to end up with such an equation which is killing you inside. Be brave and end it.
Forgive
It isn’t easy to go through hell and forget everything. No one deserves such treatment, still you need to forgive them for peace. Forgiveness is a great virtue, it reduces all the anger from our heart. Forgive them and move on from your past sufferings.
“Friendship consists in forgetting what one gives and remembering what one receives.” Alexander Dumas
It won’t be easy to forget the misbehavior, bullying and abusive treatment. Forgiving them will set you free from your haunting memories and help you to create peace in your mind.
Take your time to overcome lose
It doesn’t matter how toxic they are, still we share so many things together. It will suddenly make you feel emotional and lonely. Don’t blame yourself and others, it is just a phrase of life. People come and go, time will heal the loss. Don’t control your emotions and sadness. You have shared a great bond and cherish those moments from your side. Wish well for them too.
Time heals everything and you will get back in your life too. Shift your mind from the bad experience, use your time in productivity and positivity. Make new friends and mingle with positive minded people, It will help you to overcome your lose.
Moreover, life is too short to live with pain and guilt. Let go everything which causes trouble in your life. Don’t take decision quickly, give yourself time to understand what your want. Try to reconcile if possible. But don’t torture yourself in a toxic friendship, you deserve better.
